It is a good job I don't work in HR and understand things like TUPE, Mr. Childs!!!!!!!! He has (without permission) written his own press report again this week. JC, if you didn't like what was being written you could have just said. I'm only teasing JC you are more than welcome to write what you like but my supervisor has received my grievance and I'll be seeing you in an Employment Tribunal in the near future (about 2028 judging by current Tribunal schedules). JC's report on Mildenhall's win against Norwich is available via the Mildenhall Website. Just go to fixtures & results and click on the match.

Well now that JC has given me some competition it's now time to report on the other matches this week. I'm afraid I can only give you an eye witness account on one of the matches but I'll try to make it as interesting as possible whilst using slightly less nicknames as JC did during his report. Mildenhall 2XI welcomed Clacton to Wamil Way on Saturday and things did not go to play. Batting first Mildenhall got off to a very bad start when Ben Curran was bowled by Kirk for 0. Jordan Francis (39) and skipper Steve Graham managed to get the innings back on track. The skipper was flying on 67 when he was unfortunately dismissed. The rest of the innings is a horror show as the 2XI collapsed. Only our overseas pro Dustin Wilder made double figures as the 2XI were dismissed for 159. R Chamberlain was the thorn bird (there is a joke there but you have to be very old and understand very old pop culture to get it) in the side of the home team with 6-33. Greig was also dangerous with his 3-24. The 2XI fought back hard. There were early wickets for Steve Graham and Tom Heywood but it was the Iron Sheik (sorry bad 1970's/1980's wrestling reference) to be fair his initials are I. Sheik! with 56 and M. Chowdry with 53 not out that steered Clacton to the win. Clacton winning by 3 wickets. Steve Graham with 3-58, Tom Heywood with 2-58 and Matt Allen with 1-12. The batsmen were particularly severe on Jack Bowman, Jack's 2 overs costing 26 runs.

Mildenhall's 3XI travelled to Nacton. When they got there they were faced with a pitch greener than Jane Seymour's eyes (I don't really know if her eyes are green but Live and Let Die is currently on TV and my eyes were very distracted). Mildenhall were asked to bat first and I'm afraid it felt like a case of 'win the toss, win the game'. Mildenhall started very slowly almost unable to play a shot on a wicket that was at times unplayable. Clark, Thurston and J. Taylor were all out cheaply, Brunt the bowler doing the damage. It took a fantastic counter attack from Taha Ahmed to bring the score up to some respectability. The Asian Assassin/Adonis look in imperious form, obviously benefitting from long spells in the gym working on deadlifts and lunges. Travel played very well for 47 before he ran himself out the complete plank. Turner and Matt Heywood added nothing much to the score and it was left to Martin John Taylor (44 Not Out) and Andy Zajac (27 not out) to complete a mini recovery. Martin batted very well in tough conditions and Andy produced a straight drive that was talked about for many an hour after the game. Having been 50-5 off 30 a total of 160 from 45 overs was a good result for the away side. Brunt finished with figures of 15 overs, 10 Maidens, 18 runs for 4 wickets. I don't care if the next statement gets me in trouble and I'll happily take the repercussions but Mr. Brunt you may have bowled well but it wasn't all you mate...IT WAS THE PITCH. The total should have been challenging and for a while it was. Connelly was out early for 12 LBW to Kingdon. Skipper Warner made 29 despite beyond dropped twice by Ahmed and James Taylor. It was top run scorer Glading and Stockwell that made the difference. Great credit goes to both players who I felt batted superbly during the Nacton innings. Glading was eventually LBW to Zajac for 42 and Stockwell was well caught on the boundary by Andy Youngs (again off Zajac). Nacton reached their target from 41.4 overs for the loss of 6 wickets. Martin Kingdon finished with 2-55, Martin Taylor 1-32, Matt Heywood 1-34 and Andy Zajac 2-29. We wish the 3XI well as they set off on Wednesday morning for their trip to Maldon.  

Mildenhall 4XI took on West Mersea on Saturday. West Mersea batted first and reached 207 all out from 41.5 overs. Taylor scored 87, Conway 40, Highfield 21 and Sanderson 18. 2 wickets for Kiefer Renouf for 44 runs. 2 wickets for Trevor Westley, 2 wickets for Kev Boardman (pushing for a regular place) and 2 for Muhammad Ubaid. What followed next was a exhibition of batting from Mildenhall 4XI. Luke Ellis made an accomplished 59. Now I could spend the next few sentences ripping apart someone and poking gentle fun at this man mountain/super sausage but I'm not. I'm going to take a more serious tone. With the exception of Mr. J. Reed and Mr. F. Bester there are few better destroyers of low quality bowling in the history of Mildenhall Cricket Club then our own snake man Kiefer Renouf. Kiefer works very, very hard on his batting. He deserves every single run he gets. Kiefer does a great deal for the club which we appreciate. He is a fantastic player the lower the league standard becomes. He has been a terrific bowler for the 3XI this season but he hasn't scored the runs that his talent and ability should get him. As someone of very limited ability I often get frustrated with players with more talent than I have who do not score the runs they should. So I'm going to indulge myself by making a personal plea to Mr. Renouf. You Sir are a very, very talented batsman but you are in danger of letting that talent go to waste. You should and could be a top order batsman in the 3XI and if you work hard there is a place in the 2XI for you. Stop making excuses and apply yourself, work on your fitness and you will be amazed at what you can achieve. Stop moaning and start producing higher up the league. We are all behind you and we all want you to do well but you have a part to play. Expect more of yourself. There is a slot available this week at number 3 against Maldon away, take that slot, push yourself and make a high batting position in the 3XI your own. Demonstrate all that ability you have and back yourself. Rant over and well done Kiefer, a fantastic winning 122 not out for the 2nd XI. We are proud of you and we want more!

As in victory and down with the Usurper (JC)

Disclaimer:

After last year I want to make a few points crystal clear. Anything that is written in this report reflects my views/thoughts only. It is not a reflection of the views of Mildenhall Cricket Club. It is very hard to write something entertaining based upon a written scorecard. I rarely receive any comments on the reports so I have no idea whether they are liked, hated or even read. In summary:

1. Jane Seymour as Solitaire in Live and Let Die is a Goddess.

2. JC I really don't mind you writing a report on the 1XI and I'm only calling you JC because I'm not sure if it is Jon or John.

3. Mr. Brunt from Nacton bowled very well but his figures were enhanced by favorable conditions.

4. Kiefer, I am only jealous of you and Le Sausage extreme. But I also think of lot of you and your batting ability and want the best for you. I believe that you are a very talented batsman and we all want you to succeed but you also have to back yourself and rise to challenges that come your way. Be all that you can be.